It Wasnt
by AnimeFreaks13
Summary: Chris comes to realize he's misinterpreting his hate for Leo but he can't find the words to apoligize. Struggling on his own, Chris is attacked by a darklighter and it's up to Leo to save him and let him know it's okay. Oneshot.


Disclaimer: I don't own Charmed or Chris wouldn't have died, no matter how beautiful that death scene was.

* * *

**It Wasn't...**

It wasn't...

No matter how much you ignored me growing up. No matter how much you played favorites with Wyatt. No matter how little time you had for me. It didn't matter.

It was never hate.

I never hated you dad.

– – —

Chris stumbled into the room. A fireball to the back wasn't pleasant. The demon seemed to have been vanquished, however. Chris had orbed to the first place he could think of. Home, of course. He knew he would be alone.

Mom was at P3, even though she was three months pregnant. Phoebe was out with some guy Chris hadn't bothered to get the name of and Paige was her designated driver. It was her current temp job. She drove people around after they were drunk.

And Leo... Leo was never around anyway. He definitely didn't need to worry about him. Wyatt was 'up there' with Leo. So Chris had the house to himself. While he was growing up, this would have been a dream day but not now. Not when he was injured.

Once again, Chris wished he could heal people, especially himself. He walked into the bathroom, remembering when he was growing up and how he could hardly see over the sink. Wow, he'd grown. From a measly 3 feet to just about double that.

Chris looked over his shoulder into the mirror. His shirt was singed away and his skin was bright red and burning. It wasn't bad, but it stung like hell. Chris pulled his shirt off and threw it in the trash. No one needed to know. Especially not Leo.

Chris wouldn't call him to heal. He didn't want to call and not get an answer.

"Dad..." he whispered looking up at the sky. "If only you knew."

– – –

About a month later, Chris was getting worried. That must have been a strange demon who attacked him before. His back was still a stinging mess. However, he hid it really well from his family. No one even knew. Not even Leo, the almighty Elder with the sensory powers and the healing ability.

No one noticed him slipping down the walls or leaning for support. His random stretches were thought to mean he was tired and needed rest. Chris pushed the palms of his hands into his eyes.

Laying in bed, he just couldn't take it. He laid on his side and slept without covers. He even took his shirt off, hoping the air might help cool his back off. It stung and he wanted nothing more than to have Leo heal this strange abrasion. But Leo didn't come for Chris. He would only come for the others.

– – –

Phoebe paced around the kitchen. Chris had been acting strange lately. She couldn't tell if he was hiding something or not. Was it a secret about a demon? Had Chris killed something again, something he shouldn't have? Was he having more mother issues or did this involve Leo?

"Leo!" Phoebe called, worried. The familiar blue white orbs drifted in and she stopped pacing.

"Yes, Phoebe?" Leo asked, in all the kind mannerisms of an Elder.

"I'm worried about Chris. He's been acting a little strange. I know this probably isn't your thing but I want you to go check on him. I know he hasn't said anything but I think he might be hurt... again." Phoebe put a hand on Leo's shoulder, asking with her eyes.

Leo sighed and dropped his hands to his side. He still didn't like Chris as much as he should but he couldn't just say no, so he nodded. He'd go check on the whitelighter.

Phoebe thanked him and hugged him before letting him orb out to go find Chris. Surprisingly, he found Chris in his actual room. Leo wondered why Chris wasn't out fighting demons or putting someone else in danger.

When Leo orbed into the room, he looked around at just how small it was. Then he found Chris on the bed. Something seemed off. He knelt down beside the slumbering teen and looked carefully at his back. His skin seemed darker, maybe redder. Without another thought, Leo put his hands out and healed Chris. It took a bit longer than he thought, and he'd worried that Chris might wake up in the middle of it, but it eventually healed.

Leo stood and wondered why Chris always kept to himself like this. He never let anyone help him, even when he got hurt. Then again, Leo was the one with healing powers and even if he heard Chris calling him, he couldn't remember actually coming down to help.

Chris stirred and rolled over, Leo's signal to leave. By the time Chris opened his eyes even the remnants of Leo's orb weren't there. He stared at his dark, empty room and wondered what had awoken him from his nightmare.

A nightmare of Leo... of his see-through gaze, of the sword at his throat, of his threats and his misconceptions, of every time Leo left him alone in a room or in the house... or anywhere.

"Leo?" he asked the air, as though expecting Leo to be hiding right in front of him. He frowned and sighed in his disappointment. Why would Leo be here?

Chris rolled over onto his back and stared at the ceiling. His eyes widened and he jumped to a sitting position. He felt up his own back and gasped. His burn was gone!

"Leo?" he asked the air again, surprised filled his own voice, no matter how soft his voice was. Had Leo really come and healed him?... Why hadn't he stuck around?

– – —

Month six. Chris watched as he grew, more and more, inside his mother's stomach. It was a surreal feeling to know he was alive and yet just being brought into this world all at the same time.

Leo knew about him now. That made things difficult. Chris really had hoped to avoid the guilt trip and pity party he knew would come from Leo once he knew. He also knew it had to happen sooner or later.

"Chris, are you okay? You seem a little pale." Piper noted as he watched her make dinner.

"I'm fine, Mom. Just thinking," Chris replied, adverting his gaze.

"About what? Can I know?" Piper asked, turning off the stove.

"Dad."

Piper didn't know why. Although she had never had a child old enough to understand divorce.. Never had to explain why daddy wasn't around... Never had to comfort someone who missed their father, Piper felt as though she'd experienced this conversation before.

"Chris, you know Leo's busy." She tried to explain it. "I'm sure he's up there right now, wanting to come down and talk to you. I mean, you have so much to talk about."

She probably meant the fact that Leo now knew he even HAD a second son. She also probably meant Chris's apparent hatred of his father. Chris shook his head.

"I don't want to talk to him..." Chris mumbled. Piper opened her mouth to retort but he stopped her. "I don't know what to say to him..." Upon hearing this, Piper sighed.

"You really are his son." She smiled. "Neither one of you knows how to say important things." She brought Chris into a hug and kissed his cheek. "Don't worry. When the time comes, everything will be alright."

Chris wanted to believe her but... he couldn't. He'd experienced Leo's broken promises for his entire life... He couldn't just switch to believe Leo would just accept him.

– – —

Month seven. Chris couldn't believe he was about to be born. In a matter of weeks, he'd see a miniature of himself before his very eyes. However, Chris couldn't think about that right now.

Chris was in his room at P3. The club was closed, currently, it being the daytime. Chris tried to orb but it hurt to much to gather the strength to complete the action. The arrow in his chest... it had darklighter poison. The darklighter chuckled.

"And you were fighting so hard before. What happened, whitelighter? No more tricks? No more leads to follow that lead to the deaths of my brothers?" he glared down at Chris's form.

Chris flung his hand out and the darklighter was thrown into the wall. With a grunt, he tried to regain his standing. Chris tossed his arm the other way and the darklighter was thrown into a pile of rubbish Chris had gathered from other demons. A staff pierced the darklighter and Chris watched through dilated eyes as the darklighter aimed his bow at him and shot just before he burst into flames and died.

Chris grunted, eyes closed in pain, as the second arrow caught him in the stomach. His limbs felt numb.

"Mo-..." Chris's mouth felt like cotton. He didn't know how he'd let this happen. How had he been caught so off guard? Chris, in this moment, realized that more than anything or anyone, he wanted to see his father. "L.. Le-o..."

He choked on what appeared to be air. His throat felt tight and he couldn't move his own body. "D-Dad." he forced out of his mouth.

He didn't want to be in this cold room with no one around. He wanted to be home, cradled in his mother's arms and wishing, hoping his dad wouldn't leave this time. He wouldn't be called away at Christmas or his birthday or the 4th of July.

"Oh my god! Chris!"

The voices suddenly all around him didn't click in his head. He didn't even realize he'd managed to orb just through mere desire to. He didn't know he was now laying in the living room of the manor, bleeding uncontrollably and barely breathing. With no wall behind him, Chris's body fell to the ground, laying flat out.

"Chris!"

"Call Leo! Leo!"

Chris didn't notice his eyes watering, didn't feel the tears leaking incessantly down his face. He wanted to shake his head and yell out how he really felt. He closed his eyes in his sorrow.

"No, Chris! Baby, don't close your eyes!"

Chris opened his eyes and heard a lot of chants of 'good. Good boy. Stay with me. Stay with us.' but he wasn't listening. He saw some kind of sparkling, heavenly light surrounding him.

"D-Dad..." he breathed, eyes closing and taking in a sharp, painful breath. "I-I'm sorry. I just miss you."

Chris had no idea he had an audience listening in on him. He still didn't know where he was or that anyone was talking to him. He didn't hear his father whispering in his ear, panic in his voice.

"Chris. Don't give up on me, Chris."

"Oh my god... Why isn't he healing?"

"I don't know. Try harder, Leo."

"Chris, don't die!" Chris registered his dad's voice but not the words.

"I love you, dad... I never hated you... I'm sorry... for yelling at you...Please don't hate me." Chris pleaded, his voice barely audible and only Leo and Piper could hear him, both being so close to his body. "Mom?"

"Yes, baby. I'm right here." Piper's voice got through to him somehow.

"Mom I... I can't breathe..."

"Leo!" Piper pleaded.

Leo didn't like how Chris sounded like this was his final farewell. He concentrated on healing his son and slowly the wounds began to heal. Chris's eyes had already closed and he hadn't said anything in a good two minutes when, finally, he was fully healed.

They all watched him closely, waiting for his eyes to open. Why wasn't he waking up? Why wasn't he standing up and asking where he was and what happened? Why?

"Chris...?" Leo asked shakily as he reached out and touched Chris's face gently. He couldn't heal the dead so Chris couldn't be dead, right? "Wake up..."

Chris finally parted his lips and took in a deep, reassuring breath. Reassuring to everyone in the room. They all let out the breaths they didn't know they were holding. Phoebe almost passed out but Paige caught her in time.

Piper was crying as she stroked his hair, for the first real time, feeling his soft brown locks in her hand. Her baby... She'd almost lost him. Leo cracked a smile, thanking the gods he could heal. He squeezed Chris's hand.

"Chris... you with me?" he asked gently. Chris's head turned to the side and his chest rose drastically as he took in a deep breath of air.

"Ya... I'm with you, Dad." It was like a mumble in a dream but it was good enough for them.

– – —

Chris didn't remember talking to Leo or Piper while in his dying state. He believed it to be his imagination and talking to himself. He got the idea that he'd orbed in somehow and been healed by Leo but he didn't know about the talking.

"This whole 'near death' thing has really gotta stop."

Chris spun around on the spot and saw Leo watching him. Leo scratched his nose uncertainly.

"You really... keep giving us all a scare, ya know?" Leo seemed to be trying to start a conversation but Chris just stared at him, indifferently.

"Are you trying to bond with me or something?" Chris asked, uncertain. Leo shook his head.

They lapsed into silence in which Chris watched the cars drive along the bridge. He loved this spot. It cleared his head and helped him think. It was also, usually, a good place to be alone. His father stood beside him and watched the cars too. Strangely mindless driving and yet it was all organized and straight. Chris saw a drunk driver about to hit another car but waved his hand and they swerved just in time to not hit the other car. It apparently woke the driver up too because it didn't swerve anymore.

"I don't hate you." Leo's voice woke Chris from his thoughts. He looked up at his father with confused eyes. "It's just something you said when you almost died the other day. It made me realize how my actions haven't been agreeing with my words. If I want you to forgive me and accept me, I'm going to have to earn it."

"You don't have to earn anything, Dad. You saved my life when I was sure I was going to die. You don't have to earn anything. Just... don't leave me again, okay? I mean, when I'm born. Spend some time with me, okay?" Chris asked, his eyes saying something like 'promise?' and 'we cool now?'

Leo just smiled. Chris, whether he realized it or not, had just made Leo's day.

"You just called me 'dad.'" He couldn't help but point it out. Chris was looking down at the cars again but Leo saw the smile break across his face.

"Ya, well don't get used to it." Even Leo could hear the fake threat in that one. Chris wanted to laugh, scoff, play it off. But Leo was glad he didn't.

– – —

It wasn't hate I was feeling, Dad. I was just tired of looking for you. Turning around corners and waiting to see you smiling at me. I was tired of hearing your orbs only to find out you had just left. I was just lonely, Dad. I was too young and too scared to understand it.

I'm sorry, Dad. But if you can forgive me... accept me... smile at me and tell me it's okay, I think I can move on. I'm older now and I know.

It wasn't... you that I hated.

It was me.


End file.
